>Okay, so it’s been awhile since my last post. I guess I was waiting for something really big to happen first. And then it occurred to me tonight, God is really big and He is always up to something! Ever since my return from the last trip in August I have had a knowing in my spirit that I would be “visiting” the Sudan or the Congo for my two week outreach after I complete my Harvest Mission School in August.
Okay, I’ll begin at the beginning, sort of…. I have been anxiously, patiently, anxiously, patiently waiting for Iris Ministries to post the June 2009 Harvest Mission School date so that I could be the first to apply (in all of my anxious patient waiting). Well, about two weeks ago, the date posted, only to see in red letters that the application is not available yet, but keep looking. And so, every single day, I check the site for the application. In the meantime, I am taking huge steps to move forward in the natural. I put my house up for sale and have told my boss of my intentions to leave in June.
I even have a school of third graders who have adopted me as their missionary. This was all God because I never advertised for support, not even to my closest friends. God does not call you and then not provide the means and the way. And so, in my waiting for something to happen, I browse through all of the places that Iris Ministries serves. I decide to check out Sudan and low and behold, who’s face do I see looking back at me? Jenny, a Harvest School Missionary friend that I made this last summer. She is now in Sudan! I am so excited. I loved ministering with her and we never got to say goodbye. I find her blogspot, I email her, I email and say, I am coming!
And here I am saying to God, “God, do I go to the Congo or Sudan?” So I look on a map at the little town in Sudan called Yei and realize it is only 30 miles from the Congo! Now I am really excited. So, now I have emails out there, my house out there, everything in the hold pattern, waiting, waiting, waiting. God is so patient and He is never in a hurry. Haven’t you ever noticed that about Him? Last night as I was falling asleep I had a dream. And this dream was so prophetic that I sat up like a shot! I immediately remembered what a missionary had prophesied over me while I was in Mozambique this summer. It was exactly what I was dreaming. God was reminding me that everything is still on track even though nothing seems to be happening in the natural.
I never doubt that I am going. Even when people, and there have been a few, ask me what I will do if my house doesn’t sell. I tell them, “It will”. What will you do with all of your stuff? I tell them, “Give it away, sell it, whatever God wants” and I feel no sense of loss. I feel excitement about unloading it all and being free of it! Aren’t you afraid, what with all that is happening in that part of the world? Nope. I know that God will be with me, and that is a very good thing.
I am expecting big things this month. I am expecting my house to sell, my application to be accepted to Iris Harvest Mission School, to leave here the end of May with no debt and nothing left undone, and to go full time to the Sudan (unless God makes other plans for me on this one). I am believing with all of my heart that I will see my friend, Jenny, again and that all of this will come to pass just the way God promised me.
The safest place to be is in the center of the flame. There is a wonderful book called, “Writings of The Desert Fathers” and it is all about monks from the 2nd to the 4th centuries who lived in caves in the desert and only waited on God. They would live out there for 20-30-40 years and fast constantly and hardly ever sleep and just wait quietly on God. One of them was a disciple of Joseph of Panephysis named Lot. He asked Joseph one day, “I fast, I pray, I meditate, I live in peace, I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?” Joseph stood up in his cave, stretched his hands towards heaven. His fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he said, “If you will, you can become all flame”.
I want to be a burning and shining lamp for the Lord in the darkest of places. I said a scary prayer last week. I told the Lord that I wanted to go to a place and do things for the Kingdom that I could never possibly do of my own ability. I wanted to have to fully trust and rely on Him or it won’t happen. I want that kind of faith God! Consume me with Your fire and burn off all the dross. Make me who You dreamed I would be when you called my name and saw my face. Make me a vessel, empty of myself, full of You, nameless and faceless, except for who I am IN You.